Do men rely more on women as a source of their self-esteem than women rely on men for theirs?
Last week, I was a guest on the Striker Corbin Motivational Program. Striker is a motivational speaker who focuses on helping you create the life you desire by using your thoughts and emotions. He offers a weekly “Empowerment Quote” and this week’s quote was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
We agreed that both genders often look to their mates to uphold their self-esteem. But I believe men are much more dependent on women as a source of their self-esteem than women are dependent on men for theirs because men are much more externally driven by how they are perceived by others, particularly women. As I say in my book, “many of the ways heterosexual men act, think, and behave are influenced by their desire to gain or retain access to a woman’s love, access to her approval, and access to her body. So while men can go it alone to find food, shelter, and clothing, they have to rely on women to fulfill their other basic needs. Additionally, when men are young boys, they are taught to cut themselves off from how they really feel. Consequently, men are disconnected from their inner-selves as a source of their truth. Throughout their lives, men rely on women (their mothers, teachers, and girlfriends) to tell them what is true about them.
What do you think?
I agree with you regarding how so many (if not all) men learn early on as young boys to cut themselves off from the feelings--to censor those feelings that conflict with what they come to understand as their masculine identity--and that this leads to denial and confusion about their emotions. This is the one area with I do think that men have a raw deal. This denial and confusion makes men feel vulnerable with respect to their identity and their relationships. And it often leads to shame, which often leads to guys disappearing emotionally--or overcompensating macho behavior. As you state, guys often loss touch with themselves. I am glad you are addressing this very important issue.
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